Ok so I was just sitting here at 4 in the morning minding my own business playing a few games, looking up a bitta porn watching a bitta anime, on the Internet, you know the general thing a young lad does in his spare time. And then I got tired and decided it was time to go to bed, but just as I was making my way up the stairs my tummy rumbled and gave out a ferocious roar. So I decided I needed to eat something before I went to the land of nod. I made my way into the kitchen and looked through all the presses…there was pretty much nothing to eat. I was given a very small choice, either special K or muesli. Now as we know muesli is incredibly manly, like really really manly and in my tired weakened state I didn’t feel too much like a real man just a young weak boy. So I went against what my dick would have chosen and decided to eat the special K…possibly the worst mistake of my entire life to date. I poured the milk into the bowl with the special K and sat down in front of the computer to watch something while I ate my cereal which would soon teach me a lesson in what women go through to try impress us men (though sometimes I wonder if it’s actually to impress each other but that’s another post for another day, I have a story to tell here.) I took my spoon in my hand and brought it down into that horrid cereal. I lifted it up, and stuck it into my unsuspecting mouth….I threw up.
Special K is quite possibly the single most disgusting thing I have ever eaten (and to those who know me and how I eat anything I can tell you that I really mean this.) But where to start is the question. The taste? The texture? No actually I think I’ll start with the milk. You know how cereal like coco pops add to milk making them slightly chocolaty while other cereals like cheerios don’t do anything to the milk. And you know how both are ok? Well special K actually makes the milk worse. It’s kinda hard to describe but I’ll give it a shot. It’s like gone of liquidy yoghurt with a hint of smelly fish cheese (a fish of cheese.) I mean wtf! At first I was convinced that the milk was gone of or something , so I checked the expiration date and tasted a bit on it’s own but it was ok, no problems whatsoever. So it must have been the cereal! What the heel is up with that? Why make a cereal that does that!? Like if I was making a cereal and I had the option of what the cereal was going to do with the milk and I was given the options of improve, keep the same or turn into a vial drink of death I would most certainly not pick the drink of death option. I’m surprised no one has had to go to hospital because of it yet to be perfectly honest. Just thinking about it is making me sick , so if you don’t mind I’ll move onto the next part of this horrendous cereal.
Ok so at first the look of this cereal is not very impressive but passable. It looks just like normal kellog’s corn flakes except kinda grey (which isn’t very nice but I have enough complaints about it as it is.) So on the second bite (the first being utterly dedicated to the milk) I was shocked to find that the flakes of corn were soft. Like paper soft like so soft that it felt almost…. no scratch that it was just disgusting. It was as if I had put wet cardboard in my mouth and was meant to like it. The fruit bits didn’t help either. Fruits are meant to be juicy are they not? Well these were shrivelled and old and nasty looking to boot. So it was a combination of wet cardboard and sickeningly wrinkly fruits. They would swish and swirl in your mouth while you tried to look for something to chew and biting your tongue every once and awhile, till finally you gave up and swallowed, wondering if maybe the swallowing process would be in anyway at all exciting…which it turned out not to be. This cereal was so incredibly boring texture wise and only created this feeling of sickness and a sore tongue.
So here we are, at possibly the most important part of this review, The taste. Prepare to be sick is my one and only suggestion. On top of the ilk tasting horrible in itself the cereal has it’s own particular brand of taste bud killing moves. I’ll start with the fruit since they were slightly less sickening. So those old wrinkly fruits I was talking about are pretty much all strawberries. And I love strawberries as a side note I’ll eat them in any state they are in. But these strawberries…I mean wow. How the hell did they do that? They completely changed the flavour of a strawberry and made it utterly disgusting! They made a strawberry taste like like like again I can only describe it as a gone off yoghurt
So even though I absolutely detested the cereal I did in fact finish the bowl but for two very good reasons
1) I wanted to write this review and felt I could only write it properly if I finished it.
2) I really was starving.
But I have something to say to women worldwide (assuming this cereal is sold worldwide I dunno.) I can understand that I’ll never understand why you care so much about your figure and that I can accept. What I can’t accept is doing things that aren’t only painful but send you to hell pretty much. Men don’t want you to kill yourselves to look good. And remember breakfast is the most important meal of the day! If you don’t have a nice fun one then what’s your day going to be like? I usually find that if I have a nice happy breakfast that I have a nice happy day but if I have a lugubrious breakfast I have a miserable day where everything sucks. So if you’re a special K eater, think twice, pt the spoon down, reach into the cereal place(?) and take out something happy which has an animal on it or something. If may have a few extra bad things in it for you but your happiness is much more important than your weight. And if none of you learnt anything from this review, well I most certainly did. When given a choice between super extra hard awesome muscular manly muesli and something like special K do not ever be afraid to stand up to manly muesli and tell it who the man is. HAPPY EATING!
Special K is quite possibly the single most disgusting thing I have ever eaten (and to those who know me and how I eat anything I can tell you that I really mean this.) But where to start is the question. The taste? The texture? No actually I think I’ll start with the milk. You know how cereal like coco pops add to milk making them slightly chocolaty while other cereals like cheerios don’t do anything to the milk. And you know how both are ok? Well special K actually makes the milk worse. It’s kinda hard to describe but I’ll give it a shot. It’s like gone of liquidy yoghurt with a hint of smelly fish cheese (a fish of cheese.) I mean wtf! At first I was convinced that the milk was gone of or something , so I checked the expiration date and tasted a bit on it’s own but it was ok, no problems whatsoever. So it must have been the cereal! What the heel is up with that? Why make a cereal that does that!? Like if I was making a cereal and I had the option of what the cereal was going to do with the milk and I was given the options of improve, keep the same or turn into a vial drink of death I would most certainly not pick the drink of death option. I’m surprised no one has had to go to hospital because of it yet to be perfectly honest. Just thinking about it is making me sick , so if you don’t mind I’ll move onto the next part of this horrendous cereal.
Ok so at first the look of this cereal is not very impressive but passable. It looks just like normal kellog’s corn flakes except kinda grey (which isn’t very nice but I have enough complaints about it as it is.) So on the second bite (the first being utterly dedicated to the milk) I was shocked to find that the flakes of corn were soft. Like paper soft like so soft that it felt almost…. no scratch that it was just disgusting. It was as if I had put wet cardboard in my mouth and was meant to like it. The fruit bits didn’t help either. Fruits are meant to be juicy are they not? Well these were shrivelled and old and nasty looking to boot. So it was a combination of wet cardboard and sickeningly wrinkly fruits. They would swish and swirl in your mouth while you tried to look for something to chew and biting your tongue every once and awhile, till finally you gave up and swallowed, wondering if maybe the swallowing process would be in anyway at all exciting…which it turned out not to be. This cereal was so incredibly boring texture wise and only created this feeling of sickness and a sore tongue.
So here we are, at possibly the most important part of this review, The taste. Prepare to be sick is my one and only suggestion. On top of the ilk tasting horrible in itself the cereal has it’s own particular brand of taste bud killing moves. I’ll start with the fruit since they were slightly less sickening. So those old wrinkly fruits I was talking about are pretty much all strawberries. And I love strawberries as a side note I’ll eat them in any state they are in. But these strawberries…I mean wow. How the hell did they do that? They completely changed the flavour of a strawberry and made it utterly disgusting! They made a strawberry taste like like like again I can only describe it as a gone off yoghurt
So even though I absolutely detested the cereal I did in fact finish the bowl but for two very good reasons
1) I wanted to write this review and felt I could only write it properly if I finished it.
2) I really was starving.
But I have something to say to women worldwide (assuming this cereal is sold worldwide I dunno.) I can understand that I’ll never understand why you care so much about your figure and that I can accept. What I can’t accept is doing things that aren’t only painful but send you to hell pretty much. Men don’t want you to kill yourselves to look good. And remember breakfast is the most important meal of the day! If you don’t have a nice fun one then what’s your day going to be like? I usually find that if I have a nice happy breakfast that I have a nice happy day but if I have a lugubrious breakfast I have a miserable day where everything sucks. So if you’re a special K eater, think twice, pt the spoon down, reach into the cereal place(?) and take out something happy which has an animal on it or something. If may have a few extra bad things in it for you but your happiness is much more important than your weight. And if none of you learnt anything from this review, well I most certainly did. When given a choice between super extra hard awesome muscular manly muesli and something like special K do not ever be afraid to stand up to manly muesli and tell it who the man is. HAPPY EATING!
No comments:
Post a Comment